Today I set fire to the kitchen. That may be a slight exaggeration. It may have been to the kitchen roll holder. There were still flames.

I’m doing Sunday dinner. I ask The husband to do the mash. Next thing I know, he’s shouting that the kitchen roll is on fire! Seems a stray sheet had gotten too close to the oven flame which was in charge of the gravy.

Now whilst I was standing there looking at how pretty the flames were and being reminded that I needed to buy some bonfire tickets, The husband had leapt into action…

He grabs the now burning “Extra large Regina blitz”…. does he throw it into the sink which is a foot away? No he dashes out the door into the garage…

He stamps on it and proudly stands back after saving life and limb… “ Jeez that was close” he says.

“Erm, it’s still on fire….”

Well that “Regina blitz” clearly doesn’t just clean up water so you can wring it out, it appears to be stamp proof. That thing kept burning.

Eventually the fire is put out. I ask The Husband why he didn’t just fling it in the sink.

“ Because I wanted to save as many sheets as I could”

Yep that’s right. Not only was The Husband thinking about saving us all, he was also thinking about saving money. And possibly water.

He demonstrated this thesis by peeling off 4 charred sheets of kitchen roll leaving the rest intact. He is officially an hero.

The eldest one has been a complete twat all day. Whining and moaning and putting us through torture trying to do homework.

“What is 15 take away 1? “


“No that’s adding”


“No that’s still the same answer”

*spends 10 minutes creating and demonstrating a number counting mechanism*


“The youngest child also ate an ear plug today. Just sat watching tv chomping on it. Wax and all.

Gimme Strength!