Sainsburys toy sale

The Sainsbury’s toy sale comes at a perfect time every year. Just before my daughters birthday, and Christmas. It is a joy to behold… sort of.

So today I make it into store at 8am. The shelves are still stocked and there is a quiet hum of other shoppers. This is good.

My daughter loves Barbie “Fashionistas” Now these are basically the unruly cousins of original Barbie. There are no slim, ball gowned dolls here.

Fashionista’s are all shapes and sizes. There are “plus” sized ones… which are great in theory, but when you try and put original Barbie clothes on her she just looks like she’s eaten too many pies. There’s gothic looking ones and ones with bright pink hair with shaved bits around the side. Even the “ken’s” have top knots and handbags. I settled on a skin head Barbie. At least no one else will buy her one of those.

I spot a large ” LOL” fizz ball. For those that don’t know, these are basically very expensive kinder eggs. You can’t see what cheap tat you’re buying. My daughter absolutely adores them.

This fizz ball thing is £25. It does not specify if it comes with a doll in it. It is a superior version of what my daughter normally has. Potentially, I could be spending £25 on a bath bomb.

There are 6 left on the shelf and within seconds I’m surrounded by six women desperate to get their hands on this toy. We all stand there trying to figure out what the hell it is.

A sales assistant passes us and we practically pounce on him. We ask what this hideously expensive thing is. He is clearly new, because instead of fobbing us off with ” I’ll go and find someone that know’s” before disappearing into the warehouse never to be seen again, he helpfully gets his phone out.

The sainsburys sales assistant immediately accesses the “Amazon” website. It helpfully describes the product as a “fizz toy” the poor guy needs to up his game a bit so he decides to look on ” Youtube”

Unfortunately for this young man, by hitting up YouTube, it means that we are treated to a video of a toddler opening this toy. The toddler is accompanied by her mother who talks in a very annoying way.

So there’s now 7 of us crowded around this man who is holding his iPhone aloft trying to get a signal. The advert starts. A woman barks ” Can you fast forward this bit?” Poor lad almost drops his phone. He duly responds to this request. However, upon doing so, it reverts back to the very beginning. We all give the woman devil stares.

We stand watching this god damned video….” Hey guys, so today We’re going to find out what’s in this ball… we’ll start by slowly unwrapping the packaging….”


We all watch as little Kristabelle opens all the little pieces, places the bath bomb in the bath, has a nice splash around….then we lose reception! The poor guy looks terrified!! He apologises and tries to load the video again.

After watching all the above crap again.. we see a doll emerge from the water! Hallelujah! We all plonk the expensive tat in our trollies and leave the poor guy watching the video.

I bypass the play doh and kinetic sand and thank the stars my daughter isn’t into Lego. I spy some Disney dolls.

There is a lady who has helpfully plonked her trolley in front of this section. She is leaning over her own trolley to pluck items off the shelf. A woman next to her is waiting patiently for her to move. I am not the patient kind.

I tap the trolley lady on the shoulder and ask her to grab me a couple of the Disney dolls. She was obviously shocked at my cheek because she hands me the ones she was holding. I walk off leaving her to realise that I’d had the last Rapunzel

My sister asked me to pick some Peppa pig stuff up. I sent her some pics and she said she’ll send me the money….

Now, every now and again, I like to amuse myself by sending people money online and using a naughty reference.

My sister didn’t have internet banking until recently. Every time she wanted a balance she had to ring her bank up and request her incomings etc.

For several months, I had been putting in bits of money I owed her for stuff under rude references and she had no clue… until one day when I forgot to tell her I’d put some money in and she queried it with the bank.

My sister almost dropped her phone when the lady at the bank told her she’d received £30 for a gimp mask and edible g string….

So today she told me she’d transferred the money for the toys…. and it was under a rude reference….

Dubiously checking my account, I saw I had a £13 payment for ” Vaginal soap”…….

Ffs Gimme strength!!!!